When I was in university, I was a diehard fan of happily ever after novels, those little Mills and Boon paperback where the dashing handsome (and often wealthy) man always falls in love with the pretty, saintly secretary. I was a sucker of the phrase ”love conquers all” but my myopic views about love was to be shattered in a bizarre incident and though it was restored back, it took a while for me to fully grasp the enormity of that simple phrase. But I am not going into that today, maybe some other time.
The phrase, ” love at first sight” is flawed and that is my opinion, it should be adjudged as ”lust at first sight,” and believe me folks there is real love, because I love my husband and I know he loves me but in the world we live in now, that doesn’t seemed to be enough. Sex has taken over, and it’s been like that for a long time.
Men by nature are naturally moved by what they see, women too, are moved by the sight of a handsome man. I like the sight of a well dressed man but still, I am not moved by that because I am totally committed to my marriage and guys don’t get me wrong, I am not inferring that men can’t love truly but the percentage of men who fall by the way side is considerably higher.
The number one killer of any relationship is unfaithfulness, infidelity, adultery, you name it and human beings are territorial, nobody loved the idea of sharing the person they sincerely love with another.
One of my girlfriends once told me she was in love with three guys and can’t seemed to choose the right one. I was mortified, how can you be in love with two-three guys at the same time? That’s just not possible… I know people might consider my opinion as naive but really, can you love four people equally? Citing the case of Islam where men are allowed to marry more than one wife, four? That’s impossible, there is no way you can rationalise it, it can’t work!
Love will continually struggle to make sense of how people easily thrash it in the can, I know love is not enough in marriage, there must be mutual respect, fidelity, trust, selflessness, kindness, the list is endless, but love is an integral part of it. Without love there is no basis for any relationship in the first place.
In a society where people arrogate great importance to the physical attributes of a woman, and the financial capabilities of a man, love will continually struggle. A successful relationship will bear many scars but its workability depends on the extent of commitment and the ability and willingness to work it out no matter what may happen.
Sadly, divorce is rampant, but many could have been avoided and children caught in the crossfire of warring parents would have been spared the agony but these innocent children through no fault of their own will be scarred by the brutality of it all. Children don’t understand, they can’t! Why is daddy moving away?, why is mummy leaving home? These are the kind of questions kids asks when their parents split.
Maybe my views is truly myopic but I think love can still conquer all…
Do you honestly believe me?
I have been married for 35 years and it seems like it has only been for a few months. When you find the love of your life, it changes everything. I had no intention of getting married – I was too independent!! My mother cried when my sister and brothers were married. She was too amazed to cry at mine. Well written and insightful – I look forward to every one of your posts
That is so sweet! 35 years? It is such a blessing! You are right, once you find the love of your life, the rest is easy. I have been married for twelve years and we dated for seven years so it’s been fun, we were friends before we fell in love. The spate of divorce is a worrying trend and I get the feeling some people (not all) are just not trying enough. Thank you so much for your comment, you are ever so kind!
It is a very worrying trend. Not only for the children, but for the couples involved. It takes courage, imagination and determination to continue…but as you have found, it is well worth the journey.
Yes it is, love is sweet if well nurtured and it can turn deadly if spurned. Thanks again, I really appreciate your comments!
I loved your post! Love is a decision. We have been married for just over 29 years. When we got married, it was because we wanted to be together all the time. We loved each other’s company, and we enjoyed outdoor activities together. But when rough times came, ( college, moves, job loss etc.) we chose to hang in there because marriage is a commitment. Our reward for being committed is that we are closer and more in love than when we started out! By the grace of God – we are thriving – not just surviving…
Blessings ~ Wendy
Thanks for loving my post and taking time to comment, I like your comment, ”love is a decision.” And 29 years of marriage is indeed a blessing, I pray for God to continually bless and keep your home. Thanks again for stopping by.
“…I know he loves me but in the world we live in now, that doesn’t seemed to be enough. Sex has taken over…”
I am not married, but this is very true…
You are right Addie, sex is overrated, life shouldn’t be all about that though it is important, God made us so but once a relationship is solely based on sex, the spark tends to fizzle out and then it’s over to the next new ‘babe’ or ‘guy.’ Thanks for your comment!
I was married for 13 years before I was traded in. She had already cheated at least once and I forgave her that, although I could never forget, especially not with the hurtful things she said at that time (when she cheated the first time) then even more hurtful things (at the time of the divorce)
As for being in love with three people at the same time, I don’t see that as possible. Does she get short of breath when she thinks of them? Does her heart miss beats when the thought of talking to them? It’s one thing to want to spend time with the three, but to say she loves the,, she is a bit naive unfortunately
I am so sorry to hear that Alastair, no matter what you do, such things are bound to happen sometimes and you just have to bounce back and go on with your life. But don’t allow that hurtful experience debar you from loving again though I know it could be difficult to trust any woman after that but you can still try again!
On my friend, she was crazy at that time, she married none of the three, she finally met her supposed ‘true’ love and she’s been working at it for five years now. I hope it stays that way. Thanks for checking out my blog and liking my post. Cheers!
You’re welcome 🙂 I’m glad that your friend has found someone, and I hope they do stay true.
I did meet someone else, but she turned out to be an axe-murderer (well – she may as well have been for all the lies she spouted) I got out of that one two years ago. Now I live alone with my kids and no longer looking for love 🙂
Awww! You just broke my heart by that statement, well I believe love can still find you when you least expect and when it happens, I will tell you, ”Love is here to stay,”
What you don’t want sometimes has a way of finding you. You have a great family, enjoy them and I wish you all the best!
I believe that if love wants to find a way, it always will. I may not be looking for it, but that doesn’t mean that someone out there doesn’t love me 🙂
My point exactly! I am waiting to hear the good news soon!!!
Mills and Boon really are terrible books, perhaps that is what causes divorces. But all jokes aside the trend is worrying, people are always rushing into marriage and having children because society expects them to do that and it causes no end of drama when the rashness of it all is revealed.
Thanks for your comment and taking time to check my post. You are right about some people rushing into marriage and having children they can’t cope with, that might be a crucial factor. But even when people don’t that do that, they still get divorced, and I think the problem is deeply entrenched in the psyche of our society like you rightly mentioned. Marriage is hard work and until people are ready to WORK it out, it won’t succeed. There is no ‘ME’ in marriage or any great relationship, it’s supposed to be ‘US.’ Thanks once again for stopping by. Cheers!
I agree with you. However, I will say that when my wife I first met, there was something between us that could possibly be classified as “love at first sight.” There was an immediate spark, and it was more than just lust. Our first date was on a Friday night, December 7. The 28th anniversary of that date is next month. On a Friday. I’m planning to cook up something very special for her.
Thanks for your comment Jeff, like I said, it was my opinion and it doesn’t have to apply to every couple. I know a first meeting with a special someone might not necessarily be lust and you are right. Do cook that special ‘something’ for her and tell her she is one lucky lady. Thanks for stopping by my blog! Cheers!!
Humans are complicated creatures. We have evolved from living in a cave to living in a skyscraper. Our thoughts and emotions are boundless. For me, to put human emotion in a box labeled with ideas in certain conformity influenced by culture and religion is an ancient thing.
Is it possible for someone to love 3 persons all at the same time? Ludicrous but not impossible or else there wouldn’t have been any religion that would recognize polygamous marriage (if I got that term right). Just like a person is capable of love in different forms; personal, parental, platonic and sensual – all at the same time.
The question though is who will that someone choose among the 3 to commit to? If we are bound to love just one person, why then do we find another person after a break up? Eventually, that someone will have to choose in the end (or not, and end up being alone, I don’t hope so).
Love is an eternal struggle but it’s a struggle that’s worth taking. We struggle to maintain the spark of love till the end of time. Seyi, I don’t think your views are myopic. Your beliefs are right because they are your own and I see sense in them. We may have different views about it but we have to make some sense in how to incorporate love in our lives in a way that we are making the lives of others like our children, family and friends more harmonious and wonderful.
Thanks very much June for your comment and wonderful analysis. My friend did not end up marrying any of the guys she was supposedly in ‘love’ with, she met and ‘fell in love’ with a brand new guy and they’ve been married now for five years. Hopefully, it will stay that way. Thanks once again for your comment and for stopping by my blog. Cheers!
T’was my pleasure stopping by your blog. Good to know about your friend.
Thanks for dropping by my blog as well. Appreciate it. See you around!
It’s a pleasure knowing June! Cheers…
When my young son began asking questions about his father (my ex) I answered simply but truthfully, such as: he loved the liquor more. As he aged, I answered truthfully, but still did not elaborate because I didn’t want my son’s idea of marriage warped. My beloved mother used to say: “You have your good days and your bad ones; all you can do is hope the good ones outweigh the bad ones.” I guess philosophysizing runs in the family. Love your blog.
Thanks for loving my blog, you trained your son right by not distorting his views about marriage and your mother is so wise too, God bless her! I am positive your son would be alright, my love to him and his wife! Cheers.
THE VANITY OF VANITY
Physical manifestation a vestment
A masquerade, a temporary vehicle
For the soul in transit, eternal student
Maintaining its maintenance
You sense makes some kind of sense
Adornment for its own sake a step too far
Acceptable whichever gender type
You currently are aping, you bonobo
No escape though from playing the actor
While still surreptitiously at work
At quietly improving your character
Behind the wannabes grabbing at your mic
What matter this external glister?
The companion and partner you seek
Resonates, responds to inner beauty
Not to any outward appearance
Those who go hunting otherwise
In truth not the one you truly seek
Classic, Ben! A masterpiece, what more can I say old friend? Thanks for posting this on my blog.
Thank you for the appreciation. It seemed to chime alongside your own observations.
Yeah, you’re right! Cheers-:)