Pain Is Easy To Hide! How Sad!!
Dean’s (name withheld) right fist landed with such ferocious force that his wife’s head almost bounced off her neck, she screamed, making feeble attempts to defend herself but blows after blows landed on her body; her children watched in fear, unable to move. Janet (name withheld) ran out of the room but Dean followed, his eyes bloodshot, his blood raging with tyrannical fury. She tripped and landed on the floor as the orgy of violence continued, and then out of the blue, tiny fists landed on his back. The children couldn’t take it anymore, they felt they had to defend their mother. That was when he stopped. He stood up, his chest heaving up and down, staring at his wife on the floor, he spat out coldly,
‘If you come to the room again, I would kill you!’
Janet knew it wasn’t a bluff, she tried to control herself as her children wept beside her, their tiny bodies shaking with sorrow. She stood up with difficulty and reached for her phone. The police would save her, she thought with shaky hands as she dialled 999 and waited…
This is a true story, and I felt compelled to share it. If you are Janet, what are you going to do? Would you stay for the sake of your children or run for dear life?
This woman has faced years of abuse in the hands of her husband of nine years, yet, she stuck to him like glue. I told her to do what she thinks is best, I found it difficult to tell her what to do, even though I knew what I would do if I were in her position. However, if this beast in human clothing kills her, what would happen? He would probably get five years for manslaughter if he got a good lawyer. We all knew that Oscar Pistorius who killed Reeva, his girlfriend, is now on the verge of freedom, a suspended sentence, or would probably serve few years in jail.
I love happy endings but humans are such complicated creatures! Tonight, I wished Janet would leave that monster with her kids, but things are easier said than done! So I’ll be praying along with her and hope that she comes to a realistic decision soon, for the sake of her own safety and sanity.
******
Someone once said that life is like a mist, we appear and soon disappear afterwards and I believe that to be true. I want to appreciate everyone who left a comment on my last post ‘Unknown,’ https://seyisandradavid.org/2014/08/19/unknown/ I couldn’t pick the best answer, they were all sensible and great. I had wanted to send one of my three books in print to the winner, but because I couldn’t make up my mind, I decided to give three books instead with free postage and all that. The only thing is, if you want a copy of any of my books, you would read it and leave a review on Amazon. If you’re interested, please leave your email on my contact page and then I’ll be able to send you a message and get the details on how to send the said books.
I apologise for my protracted silence, I didn’t plan it but life just gets in the way all the time! I wish you all a beautiful weekend! 🙂 Whatever you do, just stay out of trouble and be good!
Much love, always! 🙂
Seyi Sandra David 
Seyi, I’m working late and I decided to take a peek at your website. A shudder passed through my body as I read this very sad story. It’s strange that some women still feel attached to their abusive husbands, and some have lost their lives as a result. I hope Janet would do the right thing. Not only for herself but for the sake of her children as well, the violence could leave an irreparable damage if left unchecked.
Have a nice week Seyi!
Christy nelson.
You’re right Christy, I hope she makes the right decision, this kind of things are difficult, and I don’t envy her right now! Thanks for stopping by!
Blessings!
It’s always a pleasure Seyi! There are organisations who could help her you know. I hope she’s getting all the help she needs, there are tons of charity out there who advises abused partners, she should get in touch with some of them! The brute she’s living with deserves to be behind bars!!!
I agree with you! He would be really at home, cooling his heels in prison where he would no longer have the opportunity to inflict physical and psychological abuse on his wife. However, because I’m an outsider, who can’t make any decision, I feel totally helpless! I’ve told her the same thing; get help, and I reckon she’s been in touch with some charities…
I appreciate your visit Christy, always!
I’m glad to read that. I hope things work out for her and the children!
I hope so too! Thanks Christy!!!
😉
You’re welcome!
🙂 🙂
🙂
Janet shouldn’t be staying for the children she should be leaving for them. She’s staying for herself because she’s afraid. I do hope she gets out before something terrible happens.
Exactly Kim, and it’s so hard to explain that to her, after all, I’m still married and wouldn’t be in the best position to advise her. I can only pray she and the children would be safe!
What a terrible tragedy this is, the psychological warfare taking place upon Janet as much as the physical. Thank God this isn’t something I have personal experience of but of course I hope and pray that Janet finds the strength and the means to escape this brute, with her children, and find the safety she needs so that they can rebuild their lives away from him. But I know this is easier said than done. praying for her and her children.
Oscar Pistorius’s sentence is a joke. Something doesn’t sit right there does it? Remember O J Simpson who got away with it? Horrendous.
Much love and blessings to you dear friend and I hope you have a peaceful and restful weekend … ❤
It’s horrible Sherri, and like you, because I’ve never experienced such stress and pressure, I can’t say much to her, the only thing I’ve said is for her to be careful. It’s like watching a train without a brake going off the cliff, one would know the disastrous end but would be helpless against it. I think Oscar got off cheap, whether he gets 15 years or a suspended sentence, it’s still a joke but the law is sometimes like a brick wall, you can hit your head for years, water won’t come out.
OJ Simpson got away for killing his ex wife and her friend but I think he’s incarcerated now for another offence! There’s no peace for the wicked…
I had a beautiful but busy weekend, I hope yours was great too! 🙂 Do enjoy the rest of your week dear Sherri.
Much love to you. 🙂 🙂
Things are always easier resolved from an outsider’s point of view. Outsiders don’t have emotional attachments or histories like the ones in the situations do.
I think I would do what you would do though. At least I hope that’s how I’d proceed. Once is more than enough of being abused. And – staying for the sake of the children in a situation of abuse usually does more harm than not.
Hoping the best for Janet & her children. And – for the sake of the wife & children – Dean needs to get a grip on himself & see the light!
{Hugs}
You’re totally right Rosy, it’s easier to judge from afar, and besides, they’ve built histories together, in the same vein, I’m scared of the outcome if she stayed. He’s been abusing her for years, although we’ve (family and friends) kind of suspected but we just knew outright recently and Janet is such a lovely wife, and mother. She forgives quickly and easily, but I can’t say that for Dean, he’s mean and self centred. I’ve also known him for years and was quiet surprised when they married. We’ve suggested anger management course for Dean but he would have none of it. If Dean changes today, Janet would be quick to forgive but he seems he’s got his lights elsewhere!
This is a sad tale- especially because it’s true. If only… the perfect words of the aftermath. I do hope Janet finds the answer she already knows.
It’s sad Dannie, I bet she’s made up her mind – the only problem is execution, I only pray she has the courage to do what must be done as soon as possible. Thanks for your visit dear friend!
Justice seems to lose its way when it comes to valuing lives, it is downright offensive sometimes how little taking a life is compared to the few of life lost by the perpetrator.
I don’t understand how Dean can do what he does, if he has problems, he would get help and do whatever it took to sort himself out, it has always confused me what abuse victims tend to stay with the abuser, there is help out there but more can always be done by all of us.
You’re right Ste J, people who commit atrocities seemed more protected… I think it’s the sad curse of freedom and modern age, where the victims get no justice, whether in this life or the next!
Dean is a very sick guy, at least mentally. I don’t know how a man can beat his wife senseless, until she almost passed out – right in front of their young children. Those kids are now scarred for life, They’re traumatised and I won’t be surprised if they have behavioural issues at school. I have no idea why she’s still with him. This is not the first time he’s beaten her up, probably, countless times. However, I’m certain of one thing, she’s afraid of launching out alone… That’s the only reason I could come up with and it’s bizarre!
I’ve helped in my own little way, but it came up short, Dean was headstrong and unyielding. Marriage is a beautiful thing, but it takes two to make it work.
This is a very upsetting story, but not uncommon unfortunately. To pick up and start a new life with kids is daunting. And usually the abuse crushes the spirit until the victim feels unable to manage. The victim is made to feel at fault for the abuse or deserving of it. I feel so bad for all of them. Every day is precious, and a gift to be treasured. To spend a single day like that is such a tragedy.
You’ve described the situation perfectly. Sometimes, the emotional trauma is even worse than the physical abuse. Falling in love and waking up with bruises daily is no way to live – she is trying to rebuild her life away from the monster. My only fear is the layers upon layers of abuse inflicted seems to have left a lasting mark on her as a person.
Thanks for stopping by Brenda.
We are who we’ve been before. But we can use the past to inform our futures. We don’t have to make the same mistakes again. We can become stronger by breaking the cycle. I hope your friend can break free.
I hope she can break free Brenda. I’m grateful for your visit and comment!
That whole Pistorius case is disturbing. And now the NFL troubles in the U.S. Ray Rice, etc. Who knows, maybe Reeva was leaving him. That’s one of the reasons it is so difficult to leave!
You’re right Luanne, and it’s unfortunate that cases like that are common occurrences. My friend has decided to leave and I applaud her decision, she’s getting all the right help she needs. I only hope that would be enough!
I worked at a battered women’s shelter, I encouraged BECAUSE of the children, to leave the abuser. The situation is not a good example for them and it tells them it is okay to hurt someone you love. I have been divorced three times, my children call me a serial monogamist and a ‘survivor.’ My son has been married to a single mother of two, has two children of their own, together the package is 6 in their family. He says he may have never considered marrying someone who had children if he didn’t see how hard it had been for me to raise the 3 of them. My daughters have not married, one had the wedding planned, but things did not work out. They will find someone, and if they don’t they know how to be happy within themselves. This is a great gift to children, to allow them to be ‘free to say and express their thoughts in a kind manner.’
You’re right, the children may not know it now, but they are storing things up, and sooner or later, if the mother stays, their thinking and actions would begin to align with that of their father. Life is not as we planned sometimes, but like you, we can take charge and still make things work better by being strong. You are a strong woman to bring up 3 children alone… It’s hard work! Great job!!
Thanks for stopping by my friend!
Blessings.
Hi Seyi sandra, it is truly a sad event. We should be so grateful to God for our lives, yet we complain. It is very difficult for good and nice people like Janet to take such a hard step as they find it easier to suffer than hurt even their enemies, it is not in their nature. It is nice to see that Janet has a friend like you and God bless you and Janet and her family immensely. Thank you for sharing her story, I too will pray for her and her family. Sometimes prayers help more than anything else in this world in such situations. God bless you and have a pleasant day 🙂
Please do pray for Janet, she needs it right now. I hope there is more I could do but I’m just powerless in helping her. Words do have a way of soothing pain though and I’ve given tons of that, I would let her know that friends like you have her in their thoughts too. I’m certain that would help her in some ways. Thanks again Shibu, God bless you richly, you are a very kind soul!
Cheers.
Thank you so much for your wishes SeyiSandra. Please be assured that I am praying for her and her children. Kind words to soothe and are more powerful and they a long way, so you are definitely doing the best you can. You too are a kind soul. Have a bright blessed day.:)
I can’t believe I missed this. I never miss your posts. I am so sorry Seyi.
It is easy for me to say “Had I been in Janet’s shoes, I would have run to the hills”. Anyone can say that. Having been in the situation where I suffered mental and emotional abuse for nine months, I was contemplating sending my kids to live with their mother so I could get them out of the situation because I had no way of getting out myself. I was in a town where I didn’t know anyone and being a male, I would not have received any help that normally is given to women. Plus it wasn’t physical abuse so there was no proof or evidence of what she was doing. I was lucky to get a bit of a windfall that allowed me to get out and get back home.
It appears Janet did not have it so easy. She would need to get out of the town as well as he could stalk her and cause her even more problems.
If she calls the police, he will say “I’ll change, I promise it will never happen again. Please take me back, I love you” whilst feigning very believable tears. Then once she drops the charges, she doesn’t see his maniacal grin as he plans to punish her for getting the police involved.
I really do hope that Janet can get out of there. There are hospices that can help her.
Here
Here
Here
and most importantly Here
are just a couple of places that can help. Please keep us posted with this Seyi. I hope she can get out.
Hey Al, thanks for taking time to leave this very constructive comment. Pls don’t apologise for not seeing this post, I’ve missed several of your posts too though it’s not intentional.
I have to say this again, I’m really sorry for what you went through, I’ve seen two of my friends go through it and it’s not pretty. I would send the links to her, and hopefully something good would come out of it for her and her two sons.
I hope she gets out too but I can’t forcefully drag her out and that’s the most painful part, she’s called the police and dropped the charges as you’ve rightly pointed out! It’s really horrible to see someone you love suffer and you can’t do a lot to help or redress the situation.
I would let you know the end result of it, although I might not write a post about it again. It’s even painful writing what I know she must be going through. She and the kids would have to go through a lot of counselling and support. I’m doing the best I can, but it’s little compared to the severity of the situation.
My warm regards to your lovely children. I hope to stop by yours soon, I’ve been caught up in this unfolding drama and it’s kind of difficult getting myself away from it.
I can understand. When your friend needs you, it’s more important to stay with them. thank you for saying you will let me know the end result. I do hope it is sooner rather than later. Those kids need to get out before their childhood memory is one of violence
You’re right Al. Thanks.
Having worked with abused women as a mental health professional, I know how complicated things can be for an abused woman. Sometimes, she feels she has no where to go, doesn’t have sufficient income to take care of herself and the kids on her own. Even if that is not the case, she is likely to suffer from Stockholm Syndrome – cognitive distortions she has acquired in order to psychologically adjust to the abuse. If you want to google this Syndrome, you’ll find all of the characteristics that go with it. Because of the cognitive distortions, she needs professional support to first extricate herself and then heal, for her own sake and her children’s sake. Is there a battered women’s shelter near her? Her biggest mistake is to believe him when he comes back, feels guilty and assures her that it will never happen again…it will, because it’s a massive stress cycle that develops between the two of them that only gets resolved thru violence. He needs help, too, but is unlikely to admit to it and seek it out (that’s the nature of the beast).
I hope your friend will get help before it’s too late.
humans are such complicated creatures
Well said!
I read this post after reading “The Promise.” Polar opposites…………..
You’re right! Thanks for the visit!